May 5 , 2007. What does it take to sell 360s in Japan?

Hironobu Sakaguchi, better known as the creator of Final Fantasy, says Microsoft can't sell crap in Japan. Although that's not a direct quote. But it's true. You say so what? I ain't Japanese. And so did we. But let's ponder why the 360 can't sell by looking at the games that have sold well in Japan.

The most popular type of game in Japan is probably the one Microsoft has a hardest time competing against, and that is Mario and his buddies. The old plumber man has more types of games than any other character and most of them sell very well in Japan. Perhaps Microsoft should offer Miyamoto more money, or more Japanese schoolgirls. We don't know, but something needs to be done. And no, Super Halo Wars 3 doesn't work, although it sounds nice.

Anime games have been going strong in Japan since the old NES days. And each console cycle, there seems to be one that's particularly popular. This time, it's Naruto, an anime about teenage ninjas who fight with weird powers. And yes, there's plenty of teenage angst that all Japanese gamers love. Amazingly enough, a 360 game will come out featuring the cast of Naruto. Eat that PS3!

The top five spots in a Japanese gamer's list is always some RPGs. We all know the PS1 and PS2 sold because of Japanese RPGs, and the PS3 is sorely lacking in this area right now. The 360 can crush the competition with games like Blue Dragon. Read more about it here in our old blog.

Ninja vs. Samurai. That's the eternal battle the Japanese seem to spend a great deal of time reliving. These games, while not great in number, are always on the top ten list when released. The 360 will actually be getting on of these games, Way of the Samurai Online. Yes we know, this is like Final Fantasy Online instead of an actual Final Fantasy game, but it's a start.

Can we be serious a bit? The japanese love fighting games. They make them by the dozen in Japan. And they love big eyed big breasted girls. They don't make many of those in Japan. So games featuring the combo are popular. Luckily the 360 has Rumble Roses XX and DOA to fill the Japanese appetite.

And speaking of big eyed big breasted girls, the Japanese are obsessed with, the most popular by far is the Japanese schoolgirl. It's like American's obsession with teenage movies, except taken to a whole new perverted level that usually involves night vision. To make the obsession complete, the schoolgirl is usually humiliated like this girl who is covered by giant bugs. Or maybe it's giant poop. We don't know.

The Japanese also love giant robots. The grandaddy of them all is Gundam, a sure fire hit whenever its name appears, which is usually on the top ten list. The 360 is actually getting a Gundam game. Don't get all excited unless you're Japanese. Gundam games are known for awful gameplay, awful graphics, and more whining teenagers than any other game. All the things the Japanese love.

We saved the best for last. You know what the Japanese love more than ogling schoolgirls? It's dating schoolgirls! Now we don't know if adults, or preteens are buying these types of games, but they sure are popular. Most involve trying to get romantic with the girl by helping her to her homework or some other afterschool activity. If this was America, we'd just break out the chrome wheels and tell her to get in the car.